I have just returned from my student teaching seminar and my mind is overflowing with wonderful ideas, but most of all, the realization that I have A LOT of work to get done. I always leave with some fun ideas I want to implement in my classroom, but it hits me pretty quickly that you don't just throw something together and put it out for the kids. You have to think it through, and then think it through again. I think one of my strengths has always been to come up with some creative and fun ideas. My weakness is struggling with how to accomplish them all.
Though these sessions are held after I've been in my class all day, and I'm exhausted, I find them so helpful and try and utilize the time as much as possible. There are many other student teachers in the same boat as I'm in and it feels like a support group. I sometimes wonder if I am that annoying girl who talks to much and asks too many questions. You know that girl who brings up a topic five minutes before the bell rings? Please lord, let me not be her. The thing is though, I need to be vocal and interactive because it's the only way I learn. It somehow helps to imprint the information on my brain.
School was always something I struggled with. I was diagnosed with a learning disability when I was in elementary school and I thank my parents for creating a long term goal for me not only to work around that disability, but to be successful in life. In high school and middle school I had an entourage which consisted of my tutor, my school advisor, and my teachers. I absolutely needed these people to take me through those years and eventually release me into a world where I could stand on my own as a result of their tireless efforts. Which I have been able to do. However, I struggle sometimes with feeling like my mind can't hold all the information I am being given, and I get scared that I will fall short in many ways.
But I have learned something so valuable about myself, and that is that I know how I learn. I know that when I have a long meeting that is content-heavy, I need to just accept that I can't process it all at that time. I know that I will eventually get home and go through the assignments one by one and find a strategy and timeline that works for me. I am so grateful for this self-knowledge because it helps me to relax and know that it will all get done.
Right now, it feels like I have a million and one things I need to do over these next weeks. I want to run to the craft stores and pull all the materials off the shelves and just play. I can see myself staying up all hours of the night browsing endless Montessori blogs and just soak myself with ideas. But I can't, because I try to live a life of moderation with everything I do, and getting obsessive and frantic ain't pretty.
So this blog was my venting session; a way for me to say out loud that I need to take it all one tiny step at a time. Oh, and to breathe.